Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Avalanches don't kill people. People kill people...

So there I was, harmlessly chewing the fat with the Jone's. Discussing how all the kiddy snowflakes today are faceting these days, the youth of today hey! they have no idea what it was like in the good ol' days, floating 15 miles with the other snow, just to become a cloud! We switched on the wireless and were surprised to hear a South-East wind was coming. I said my good-byes and soon I was airborne with the rest of the crowd. Jeez I hate the rat race. Everybody in the same wind, all hustle and bustle to get a good seat on the snow pack. How nobody wants the responsibility of being on the bottom. Today was no exception! I must have drowned an elderly person in my last life as a river, because I ended up on the bottom. Now lets clear something up, I think myself a friendly snowflake, I like to think I can get along with most others, but don't get me started on hoar frost. Those guys are really bringing the neighborhood down. They just show up on our snow pack, making no effort to fit in and bond with the rest of us. I wish they'd just go home sometimes!

So needless to say it was up to me to make peace and bond with the hoar-frost community. But try as I might we just couldn't see eye to eye and bring the two communities together. So not only was I in a new neck of the woods, I think they called it 'Lee-slope' or something, I was also in charge of bringing to cultures together.

Maybe I should have listened to mum and dad, but nooo, I had to do it my way, leave the cloud, see the world I said, check out life as glacier someday. So with a rain coming from my mothers eyes I gracefully slipped out of the could and started my descent. One piece of wisdom my Dad had passed on before I left, was 'watch out for them humans!'. Bringing me to my current conundrum!

So a day of trying to make peace with the hoar layer had gotten no-where, things in the snow pack were as unstable as ever. Then things got worse. Reports started coming in about helicopters in the area, and even baby snowflakes know what they bring, humans! Let me tell u a minute why humans are bad. First of all they rock up, thinking they own the place. Walking everywhere with those ghastly spiky things, stabbing any and everything in their path. Sometimes the bring dynamite too, blowing slopes apart. Not happy till whole communities are sliding to the valley floor. Worst is when they put you in their 'pots' over the flame. I can still hear the screams of friends at night, as they were slowly broken down, melting away. Then the poor bastards were boiled and ingested. I wont describe the horrors that happen during ingestion, that leave strong snow-flakes as yellow stains, shells of a former life. We tell children, 'the Brew' will get u if u don't eat your vegetables. It sure makes them listen!

So when news got through the snow pack that they were coming this way, everyone was beside themselves. 'what should we do?', 'where shall we go?' were questions on everyones mind. When they started heading our way things started to get desperate. With huge clumsy, spiky boots they plodded our way, I had to do something. Trying to think quickly, and getting no support from the hoar community, I had to make the tough decision. 'Ok guys', I yelled 'we have to slide'. I took the leap of faith and soon the rest were following me. Trying to convince the base layers to come was useless. We slid smoothly and efficiently out of the path of the humans. As we were sliding I heard the faintest sound of the humans grow more distant as we gathered momentum.

“Bloody slab-avalanches...”

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